There is no guarantee

Nothing is static. A week ago my plan was to go to Europe via Sri Lanka, but circumstances have changed and I'll be heading to South Africa via two weeks in India - or at least I think that's what will happen.

For me India embodies a place of the complete unknown. A place people speak of in two extremes: One friend told of how it is the best place that she's travelled to and that the people were the most generous and beautiful people she met, while others have told me of cut-throat bandits and people throwing faeces at you because you refuse their offer to carry your your bags. Despite the differences, there is one thing that they agree on: India is intense. India is intense like the way Koreans eat chillies dipped in chilli sauce.

I find myself doubting whether I'm ready to plunge into this unknown and into what will be a complete sensory assault. I feel pretty apprehensive, but also excited by the idea of lingering scent of spices, vibrant colours of cloths and the background racket of tuk tuks, hawkers and engines. Am I imagining an India like that of Bollywood films and The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel? I don't know, but I guess I'll see for myself soon enough.

If things work out, I will get to stay in Delhi with a Christian missionary and be able to experience the ministry in India. Hopefully I'll also be able to get in touch with an NGO there too who would readily accept volunteers to link up with my own NGO project.

In South Africa, I'll be in a place called Greyton, 2 hours from Cape Town. I'm going to be working with Greyton Transition Town on some conservation projects and grass roots campaigns. I'll also be working with them to establish a link so that I can hopefully send more volunteers over to help out with the awesome things they're doing in Greyton. Super excited and will share more insights with you guys while I'm there.

Being a Hyung

It's been two weeks in Singapore and I've been figuring out more goals and my itinerary for the coming months. At the same time, I've been learning a little bit too.

Living with a family of three boys, aged 2, 4, and 12, I've been learning to be a mentor and a "hyung" ((형) Korean for big brother (masc.)) to 12 year old Shane. Being a hyung comes with many responsibilities - responsibilities different to those of being an "oppa" ((오빠) Korean for big brother (fem.)). As many of you would know, I have a younger sister, and if I have to say so myself, I think I'm a pretty good "oppa".

Being a "hyung", you have to be seen as cool, strong, wise and caring. You have a responsibility to be a role model to your "younger brother". In the Korean community, this applies to any younger kids that you may know.

The Famous Globe

Yesterday was Youth Day, and as I was bored and Shane had a day off school, I took him to Universal Studios on Sentosa Island. It was a beautiful day with the sun smiling down on us for the first time in the week and a half that I had been in Singapore.

Eww I can see up there...

We rode on the Transformer's ride first, and I was pretty surprised when Shane, sitting next to me, screamed. I didn't expect that. After all, I was never one to scream on a ride when I was his age. Next we went to the Mummy ride. It was something that I really wanted to go on, but Shane really didn't. We rode it - Shane covering his eyes and ears and still screaming.

I feel like he didn't want to disappoint me by bailing on a ride, and I think it was also the case on the Battlestar Galactica rides: Human and Cylon. As we were queuing up, I could see that he was fidgety and scared, but he lined up anyway. As we approached the roller coaster carriage, he asked me to hold his hand because he was scared. I said no. I told him that he had to go through this and face his fears.

He fainted halfway through the ride.

The rest of the day was spent watching the various shows and attractions at Universal Studios and on the long ride home, I told him that it was okay that he was scared and it was okay that he fainted...

Shane in front of the Jurassic Park Gate

Being a hyung is difficult - as my buddy Shane understands - and it isn't always easy to be the cool, strong, wise guy all the time. There are always going to be times where you are uncool, weak and dumb. I told Shane that that's okay, because in the end, being a "hyung" is also about showing that you have weaknesses and that you are also a person that makes mistakes. It's about telling your "little brothers" to be secure in their insecurity. It's about giving them a gentle landing pad when they fall and make mistakes. And most of all, it's about accepting and loving unconditionally despite the flaws that we may find.

PS. Here are three photos from when I was with my mum and sister in Singapore, taken at the Gardens by the Bay around sunset

On the Skybridge with
Mum, Esther and Shane

Jumpshot!

Sunset behind Marina Bay Sands

Unlost in Spacetime Lost in Timespace

it is 11:00 am Singapore time on the Second of July, 2013. 

I am siting in a corner in an apartment in Singapore where I'm staying with a wonderful family till who knows when. 

I (dramatic pause) am lost.

Perhaps not so much geographically, but more so in drive, spirit and a psychological sense. I'm reassessing my goals and plans for the rest of my journey, but in truth, I don't know where to start, nor where it will end up. My brain is a jumbled mess of ideas surrounded by mostly useless fogginess. 

While I was in Bali I had a few goals that I thought that I would achieve: 

• Creating a non for profit company
• Meeting and connecting with influential people
• Completing an internship at Green School and opening myself to an alternate educational experience
• Expand my sphere of influence by expanding this page and blog
• Make a film
• Grow stronger in my faith

And perhaps unsurprisingly, I didn't quite get there. Other than completing an internship at Green School, I wasn't able to 100% complete any of my goals.

And so I sit in limbo, reassessing myself and wondering where I'm going next, if anywhere, what I'm doing next, if anything. 

I feel like I could definitely learn from what I didn't do in Bali. I know that if I had prioritised my own goals ahead of socialising and taking in Bali, I would have achieved them, But at the same time I also know that if I had done that, I would not have had so much exposure to the land and the people, and not been able to develop strong friendships. It's a fine art getting the right balance, and one that I'll have to work at to perfect. 

Anyway, I still don't know where I'm going and how I'm getting there - although I have gotten some interesting news about a little place in South Africa called Greyton. 

So tell me, what would you do in my situation? Where do you go and what do you do to reflect and plan?

Help needed.